Money

One of the things I have been freaking out about, is that my sister informed me that she would not be able to help with the tax bill for the house next year. My sister has been paying it since Daddy died. Yes, she has been wonderful to me. The reason that she won't be able to help me anymore is, that Margaret is going to start at San Jose next fall. It's going to cost around $40,000 a year. And it's going to take around 8 years for Margaret to become a vet.

So I slammed a door on spending money. I started brown bagging it to work. Every week I go buy my food. Right now I'm living on Land O" Frost peppered ham sandwiches. I put mayo and pickles and slices of tomatoes on whole wheat bread. I have sugar snap peas with them and red grapes. For supper I make a soup recipe that I got out of Good Housekeeping. Chicken broth, shredded cheese, skim milk, broccoli, red potatoes, onions, and kale. Bran flakes for breakfast with skim milk. Snacks, pretzels, vanilla yogurt with green apple slices. I also put some of the ham into the soup as well. I'm made three batches so far.

A side effect is that I am LOSING weight!!! I appear to have lost ten pounds so far. I can fit back into my 18's again! What the hell! Exactly how many calories are in the health food store sandwiches?

But the best effect is that I am SAVING MONEY!!!:) Not quite sure how much yet, but it appears to be in the $500.00 range. I cannot tell you how shocked I am, at how much I was spending on crap food. It makes me so ashamed for a couple of reasons. One, if I had been doing this all along, my sister wouldn't have had to help me out, very much at all. I could have gotten the house re-pipe by now, if I had been brown bagging it since I started at the florist. And so on, and so forth. I cannot change what has been, I can only change the now.

I wonder what my blood pressure/cholesterol is right now?

The Stupid Afghan Is FINISHED!

I never want to see it AGAIN. I shall give it to Kristine tomorrow. Yes, she is now back at work. Yes, the baby is like a, month old. Yes, why didn't I just buy her something. No, there is no picture, because I still can't mobile blog. (At least, Blogger is aware of the problem and is talking to T-Mobile about it.)

Now, I can throw myself into orgasmatly crocheting all the lovely chenille yarn I have bought. Everyone this year is getting a scarf whether they want one or not. Screw the front yard, screw the dishes, rest of house, the hook calls. . .

Lovely sister is talking to me again.

Not A Good Day

I went to work already "emotionally challenged". And then my boss said to me when I filled up the spray bottle and brought it back to the table, "That's using your B.A." It took him awhile to notice that I was crying and then he ask me if I was okay and I sobbed "No!", and stomped out the door on a delivery run. When I came back, he quasied-apologized, and pointed out he was being nice to me by letting me work, as it is slow, and he could send me home and have one of the in-stores deliver. Yup, that's what he said.


My sister still hasn't called me back.

More Gunfire!

Last night, just after I went to bed, I heard gunfire. This time it was AUTOMATIC gunfire! About half a mile away, I'd say. About fifteen minutes later, I heard sirens. About another fifteen minutes later I heard the automatic gunfire AGAIN. Seen to be in a sightly different place. No sirens. About twenty minutes after that, when I was pretty much asleep, I heard the gunfire again, much closer, followed by siren, like they were in pursuit. Maybe the newspaper will be interesting in a couple of days.

Tried to mobile blog about it, but still getting the non-support message back. I am going to have to find an active thread on blogger help, and see what I can do about it.

Having problems with Blogger

I can't send picture messages. I keep getting the same message back from Blogger; that Blogger doesn't support my phone carrier. Well Blogger has up to now, and my carrier is still listed as being supported. Tried redoing my phone number, and lost it. Carrier not supported. Reported it. Will wait and see if this resolves itself in a couple of days. Then I will e-mail Blogger.

I'm also having problems with my computer. I have to reboot it like every half hour. And it runs slower and slower. Has to be spyware. Damn Ebay page.

I'm Depressed

I talked to my sister today. It was a rather short conversation as it derailed, when she told me that at Sherry's (Mitzi's sister) house, Sherry's brother-in-law extended an Thanksgiving invitation. They would like to accept it. This means there will be no family gathering this year for me, as they will be be going to the condo in Costa Ricca for Christmas.
I have to face facts. My sister is drifting away from me, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to stop it. She doesn't seem to want to spend time with me or talk to me. I'm being closed out. I don't know why. I don't feel like there's anyone I can talk to anymore.

Also, after Mitzi's service, my sister told me that Brad was making overtures to my Brother-in-law through Sherry's husband. He wants to be friends with them again and my Brother-in-law wants to do it. My sister says that the Brother-in-law misses Brad. Well, so do I, but I can't ever associate with him again after he mind-raped me, now can I. Exactly what does Brad have to do, to be Person-Non-Grata? Does he have to have sex with my sister? Would that do it? What makes him so wonderful and me so worthless?Apparently I have very little value with my brother-in-law. Because it would be very stupid indeed, to put me in a situation where I meet Brad in a social setting at my sister's house. The results would be very bad for everybody.

I'm pretty pissed off right now. I don't know if the way I feel right now is hormonal, or what. I'm just going to sit on myself for a while and see how things go and how I feel about them.

I Don't Feel Good About Myself Tonite

I went to Mitzi's memorial service today. I got there late. I discovered that I had left my shirt at home, but I was suppose to get off at 3:30 but it was four when I clocked out, so no time to go home and get it. You know, I have never been to a service for anyone younger then 65. There was around 50 people there. Around 5 people spoke. It was rather moving. Her brother who is a pastor led the service. All of the people were . . .familiar, but I didn't know them. Or most of them. Everyone who spoke, was convinced that this time her sobriety would stick. There was a wide spectrum of people from all periods of her life. She effected a lot of people. She went through a lot. Her Mom left when she was four and never came back. Her Dad remarried and died when he was 38. Her step-mother remarried and that's who brought her up. She had a daughter (which I hadn't know until this week) and she was taken away from her. I'm assuming her addiction did that. I don't know anything at all about the father of her child. Everyone who spoke from this last period of her life said that Mitzi loved her daughter very much and that's why she was trying to get sober. So she could try and reestablish an relationship with her. Oh, how I wish she hadn't died. It's so unfair. But God knows, what her physical condition was. She had already had an heart attack and stroke at the same time around 2 and 1/2 years ago. She wasn't suppose to live through that. Maybe it's a blessing that she passed away in her sleep.

Debbie was there. I took this opportunity to apologize to her about Brad. You see, what Brad did to me, he did to her with me. I spoke to her on the phone when I started going out with him. She told me that they were still a couple. I didn't believe her. The pain was still very much apparent when I spoke to her. We will never be friends again. Yes, we were friends when I did this to her. Of course Brad was the ultimate betrayer. But I helped.

I did it and I can't undo it. We were all Brad's loving pawns. I swear, he must be a sociopath. Debbie is still friends with him on a casual bases. Is this a testimony to her as a loving, forgiving person, or is it a sign of a fool? I don't know. I can never be friends with Brad again. Hell, for the first two years, I thought about murdering him every single day, multiple times! What kept me from doing it was A. what would happen to my cats, if I did that. B. I didn't want to disappoint my sister. C. I don't ever want to go to prison. The therapist helped. But it's only now, that I can see it's like that story about the scorpion wanting a ride across the river. What he does to the women who love him, to get us in a position where he can emotionally hurt us, is his nature. It's his nature. He likes to hurt us.

Unfortunately I hurt Debbie by doing this. I feel like shit. Unfortunately I forgot that rule of the 12 steps, (which work well with us all, not just addicts) that you only try to make amends if it won't hurt the other person, or something like that. She has moved on, has a boyfriend. She is very scarred, because of him, and me, but she has moved on. I haven't and I only just starting to get there. But I'm never dating again. But I felt I had to do it. I should have done it in writing, I think. I have to go to bed now.

Another Shot Of The Ocean

On the way to Santa Barbara

The Check Out Line At Wally's World

This cost me round $90.00 dollars. A week of food, but not enough for the cat's. They only had enough savory shreds for four days. The cats really prefer savory shreds.

Penny's Margarita!

Happily, it was a pick-up.

I'm with Madge Sinclair

( http://madgesinclair.blogspot.com/ ) I feel that we are heading for a Depression. Not just a recession, but a full blown DEPRESSION! Which is why I'm trying to correct my bad spending habits now, so I can save money. Trying very hard to brown bag it to work, and buy food and make it. This seems to be working. Oh, I'm not perfect, This morning I went to the drive-thru dairy to buy six cans of cat food, so my cats could have breakfast. That's $5.80 of my money. But I still am improving. Normally I buy lunch every work day for $7.20 to $9.50, depending on what I buy. I also buy Star Bucks, at least once a week, if not more. And then there is the snacks from the gas station. Got to cut down on that, just buy diet Pepsi. I'm sure this will help my waist line as well.

I'm also going to grow a vegetable garden in the back yard and I'm afraid canning looks likely in my future. Maybe I should go to the Salvation Army and such, and start looking for supplies NOW! Going to save this year's leaves and start a compost heap in that tree hole in the back yard.

I will seal the windows up too. That will help a lot. Only problems is, the cats like to get up in the window sill. May have to leave a opening for them. I don't know how that will work out.

It's a double!