The modeum spents more time not working. . .

Then it does work.


Okay, quick update. Spent the day after Thanksgiving at the ER finding out if I had or was having a heart attack. All the tests came back negative. Thanks God. Had my stress test a week later and that came back negative as well. The pain I feel in my chest (yes, still have it!), apparently is acid reflex. REALLLLY bad acid reflex. Also my blood pressure is now in the hypertension range. I t varies from 149 to 179!!!! I have given up the Chinese food, and it has gone back to being three points in the PRE-hypertension.

I lost twenty pounds doing the Chinese food for dinner. But I don't want to have a heart attack or stroke out. Must find something else that I can portion control.

*****

I had to put little Miss Jilly to sleep. She just faded away in a space of a week. Stopped eating, and I started feeding her chicken broth with a syringe. She didn't want it, but she perked up. I thought maybe she was sick, but no money for vet. Then I realized how SKINNY she was. I knew she had lost some weight, and I thought it was because she was gambling around the backyard. The fourth morning she couldn't walk and I knew, she wasn't sick , but dieing. I knew it was time to put her to sleep. I knew it had to be cancer.

My sister took her in for me. I can't really afford to LOSE any more work. The vet examined her after she was dead, and yes, she had a mass in her abdomen, and he knew there was one on her liver, because the skin around her ears was yellow. She was in liver failure. No amount of money could have saved her. I wouldn't have put her to sleep until this week anyway, even if I had know. She was doing well until Tuesday. She was so happy in the backyard. I'm so glad I let her out.

discovered the joys of hydroplanlng on a wet freeway doing 70. i didnt hit anything and the car only turn sideways a little. thank you God!

Now I'm Getting Depressed

And no, it's not the plumber! Actually it's my best friend. You see, while she has been acting more "normally" towards me since the Goosie incident, it's still apparent that there is a problem in our relationship. She has other friends that she is keeping a secret from me. No, I don't mind her having other friends. I would be a REALLY sick person if I minded that. What I do mind is that she has closed me off into a little corner of her life, and I'm not really part of her life anymore. Let me make this clear. I don't expect to run around with her and these friends. I understand that I am almost 52 now and she's about to turn 34. Her other friends (as one demonstrated a couple of years ago) wouldn't see me as any thing other then as an OLD person, whom they could have nothing in common with. That she can't even mention them in passing as in, "I went and saw 'Name of movie', with Joan Doe and it sucked!", bothers me a great deal.
Secondly, we had a conversation the other night where she informed me that she not going to let her friends change her plans, so she can be their shoulder to cry on. At first I didn't get what she mean. I was remembering a few years back when she was taking one of her student aids somewhere, on a trip that had been planned for THREE MONTHS, and because the student aid ask to have one of her friends along and that friend said she didn't want to go where they were going and suggested a trip to a mall instead, and BF fell over like a dead log and took them to the mall. . .!!! That's what I was remembering when I agreed that was a good plan.
Well it's not. People who only want to be with you for the good times and shun you during the bad are called good weather friends, and they ain't friends at all. I'm very disappointed with her. If she doesn't want to change her plans, and how many times has she had to do that, then she needs to get less stressed out friends. It's her choice to have these friends. Am I one of them?
When I remember all the times I have had the most inane conversations with her. Like one time when she was still going to USC, she called me up and actually cried because she had left the skim milk on the counter and now she couldn't have her condensed soup because of it. She sobbed thruout this conversation and I took it because I knew it wasn't actually the milk, it was her parents divorce. This is what friends do for each other, and that she doesn't want do it any more, really scares me.
She isdeciding to be shallow!

My Hormones are subsiding

So, this means I have reached the embarrassed stage. This is an effect of my ADD. I miss social signals, or don't plain recognize them at the time, but then go back repeatedly and review my memories and pick up clues.
This means, even although I didn't say anything leading or flirty, my interest must have been too transparent as the plumber AND his helper became very amused by me. See what I mean by embarrassing? Hell, I though I was just enjoying his male company, (and oh yes, enjoying the view), and apparently I came off as slut girl! But my co-worker at the florist, who's husband IS a plumber, says women taking an interest in them is not unusual.
I'll just try to be little Miss Cool next time.

****
After my checks clear I will have ten dollars left in my checking account and my savings will be completely GONE. I HAVE to get that job at Bank Of America. By next April I will have to save $1000 to cover the next installment of property tax, income tax and car tax. I don't think I can save that much money in five months.

Damn Hormones!

I'm lusting after my plumber! He so lithe and buff and nice. He's a very nice man, who offered when I told him I wanted a quote so I could save up for the job because I was broke, to do the job and have me pay when I could! This is a VERY nice man. He said to call him when I got off. The day before I had gotten off at 2:30, but of course that day I got off after 5:00. At first he didn't want to come over because it was so late, but eventually he talked himself into it.
Of course he had to come inside the house, (I thought it would be the clean out under the kitchen windows, but the clog turned out to be in the wall exit of the sink). So embarrassing. He said he wasn't there to criticize my house keeping, his house look like my house, (Why did that make my heart sing?), and we went into the laundry room. It took him like only ten minutes to clear the clog.
A new problem arose. It turns out my plunging of the sink has crack the pipe below the sink. It was only a little cracked before, now it won't let water drain, it runs out on the floor instead. I now need a new sink, because the sink is cast cement and the caster cast it onto the pipe! Can't afford this right now. I am living on my tips. All my wages are going to bills. The plumber, seeing the look on my face suggested a alternative. I cut the end off the overly long drain hose for the washer and put epoxy on it and stick it down the pipe and seal up the crack that way. I just need to get the glue. Which I will tomorrow.
We had a little conversation about pizza. I swear he looked to see if I was wearing a wedding ring. Why was I wearing my mother's engagement ring? Why? Why?
Oh well, soon the front will stop up and I can call him to do that!

So the shredder. . .Part Two

Twas only sleeping, see. Needed to cool down after shredding for over two hours. I finished the bag off. God, it was HARD to do that. I really felt like I was throwing my Dad away and kept crying and apologizing to him. It was so hard to get rid of his checks because that's the only sample of his handwriting I have. He didn't do letters or cards. So I saved his signature off a ripped check. I had no idea of how much I miss him until I did that. I guess I was acting like him when my Mom died. I think for about 15 years after she died, he was pretending she was at the store.

*****
The laundry room sink has clogged up. I'm going to pour a bottle of hair clog stuff down the drain tonight and hope that does the trick. If it don't, plumber time.

*****
Realized around 6:30 tonight, that the 1st installment of the house tax was due yesterday. Freaked. Called sister. Brother-in-law answered. Explained to me, too late tonight to do anything about it. Two, it says on the bill, no late payment penalty until Dec 10th. M and I drove back to my car (glove box), to make sure. Yep, I'm safe. Sister called a little while ago. Tomorrow, I'll drop off, both installments and my check for the first one, and she will keep track of it.
*****
Armpits are itchy again! And swelled. Wish I knew what was causing this. . . Oh shit, I ate the shrimp and the egg rolls from Mr. Wok's dinner for two again. Maybe that's it!

I was shredding . . .

But there comes that important time in the shredding machine's life when you stick too many papers in at one time and fry the machine! I reached that point. I was like 3/4Th's through a giant bag of my father's papers. It bit the dust on checks from '72.
I discovered many things. The gas bill was as high then as it is now. I'm sorry Daddy. I was completely clueless then. My parents bounced checks! I've discovered about four now. The bank sends them back in a special pouch with a velum cover!!! The bank switched from punch cards to a computer printed bill in 1980!!! I haven't found out when the water bill switches from being a punch card to a paper bill.

After my mother died in '79, about six months later my father's doctor sent a recommendation for him to see a psychiatrist. As far as I know he didn't see one. I did find the check for his first computer stuff. Yes, after my Mom died he went heavily into computers. He was also a ham radio operator. He did these both for about ten years until his hearing started to go, then it was just computers and the Internet. At the height of his mania, he had 28 computers in the house. He was so lonely.

I wish I could have helped him, but I was just as fucked up as him.

The Modeum Is on The Way Out!

The fourth light is spending half it's time OFF. I'm going to have to get a new one very soon. Must pay bills, before it goes out again. I guess I can try some electronic stores, before I go to E-Bay.

*******

Yesterday I had food poisoning. I cooked some chicken three hours, at 375 F. It was still slightly frozen, but three hours. . .should have done the trick. It was part of the treasure box chicken. Maybe it was just bad chicken.
I didn't throw up, or have stomach cramps, but I sure did have what my brother calls "the Hersey squirts"! I also had a fever, and body aches. I couldn't find a thermometer, but I was shivering. Thank God for Goosie and Jilly. They just got on top of me and helped keep me warm.
I slept all day, and hauled my butt into the pizza restaurant.
Still have a touch, but am functioning.

*****

Got the house tax. It's like $1200.00. Last year it was like $1800.00. So they reduced the tax owned, because the house is back to $65,000, from $125,000.

I have my car back!

And I have spent another $91.00. Car Battery. They told me at the dealership, that the battery had a bad cell, and it need to be replaced. Also other things like the drive belt, timing belt, three different kinds of flushes, etc. Well, they weren't kidding about the battery. I thought, well, hmph, getting late have to be at pizza restaurant at six, I'll do it tomorrow. Ha! Drove home to put on uniform. For the fun of it , tried to turn it back on. Zip. Oh it makes the starting noise, but doesn't complete it. Call the Pizza restaurant. Kathy takes me off again. I need a jump. Call M. Friday night = school night. leave message about needing jump anyway. Call sister. She comes out with jumper cables. Before she got there, I tried rolling the car down the driveway. When I get to the end, I feel I'm going way to fast so I brake. Wrong move. I end up not even getting all the way out of the driveway. Jackie still manages to get me a jump however. She follows me to Wallyworld. She leaves when I go inside . Oops! To bad that, her leaving. Walleyworld doesn't even CARRY the kind of battery my car needs! The nice Wallyworld guy gives me a jump so I can go to AutoZone. They do have my battery., AND they will put in for me. This turns out to be rather hard. The terminals are corroded on. But eventually they get them off and the new battery in. I call up the pizza place and ask them if they want me to come in anyway. They say no.

The car going to get fixed!

Art called and said the upper division guy had decided to honor the warranty and fix the transmission. He said that they had ordered the transmission, and that he was hoping that it would come in early and that if it did, I might have the car back Thursday night. Otherwise it would be Friday morning. Maybe. I'm going to take this with a grain of salt because I've been given dates before, and I didn't get the car back when I was suppose to.

*****

Jackie gave a ride to work, bless her. She also said that she was getting off around four, and that if I got off around then, she'd give me a ride home. so I did get off around four and I called up Jackie, and she had only had two clients that afternoon and was already home. So I had to walk home, that nice hour long walk, filled with car flumes, and plenty of sirens. I stopped at the bank and deposited my RT check. I stopped at the health food store and bought potatoes chips. I stopped at the Winerschirzel and bought a 50/50. I stopped at Mr. Wok and bought some Chicken Cashew Din. Then I went home.

I called up Jackie and she gave me a long lecture on how it was unfair to the cats and her and Dale for me to have so many cats. That the house will require a lot of repair work, when it's time for me to leave, (in what ever capacity that might be). I wasn't thrilled to hear this. I have no idea where it came from. And I know she has a point. Most of my fantasies about winning the lottery involve making the cat's life better. I must get a better job, so I can fix the house up.

I'ld really like to go to bed, but, for the second nite in a row, there's cat vomit all over the bed.

Talked to Art Today

They are still waiting for the higher upper guy to give the go ahead. So, I can keep on sweating. This is driving me batty. Look, the transmission has had problems from the get go. I think I had only had it three months when it jerked back and forth so hard that my hands flew off the wheel. The engine light came on. So I turned it off and had it towed to the dealership. Where upon the next morning the light was not on and their little computer chip had recorded nothing. About a year, (two?), it did it again. This time I drove it to the dealership. This time something was recorded and they replaced the trans range switch and wiring harness.

As far as the transmission goes, the car is a lemon, I guess. As far as everything else on the car, it's great.



Man, they better honor the warranty.

******

It takes me an hour to walk to work. Tomorrow I'm lucky. My sister will pick me up. God bless her.

Car is off to dealership

I had trouble directing the tow truck driver to my house, and later, the tow truck driver called me because he went to the Honda dealership instead of Hyundai! I left a message with the phone machine for Art, the guy I talked to this morning at Hyundai.

*****

As I was typing that in, Art called me! The car is at the dealership and it will be diagnosed today or tomorrow morning. I have to pay $99.99 for the diagnose. If it is covered by the warranty (the car problem), then I won't actually have to pay it. The warranty will take care of it. If it's not covered, then I have to pay for the diagnose.And the repair.

****

Man I am so nervous about this. There is paint on the bottom of the car from where I hit that paint bucket last Halloween. . .What if they say that cause the problem? I wish I wasn't a paranoid worrier.

*****

I wonder how many days I'll be walking to work?

The Car Transmisson Has Broken!

On the bright side I think I have like 5000 miles left on the warranty. I will check tomorrow. If it's not longer good, I think I might have to get a new car. We will see.



You know, this is why I like sticks. They only cost $300.00 to fix.

*******

The next day:

Yes the warranty is still good, thank God! So, last night on my last delivery, just before nine, I got off the main street and drove on to the street where my delivery was. I hadn't gone more than a 100 yards when my car feels like one of the tires stopped turning and skided, making a loud noise. I think I have ran over something AGAIN, and stop, so I can look at the tires. The tires are fine, what's going on? I continue to the delivery. The car seems fine (because I was under 25 mph). I deliver the pizza. I start up again. When I tried to go over 25 mph, it doesn't shift up. I know the sound of a slipping engine from having three manual cars. I knew what was wrong.

I call the store and tell them. Then I try to drive back. The longer I drive, the more it slips, also consistance with a stick. I have to pull over and let it cool down. I finally get back and cash out. I try to drive home. It's getting so hot that I can smell it burning. I pull over in a fast food restaurant half way home. I talk on the phone for a while with Bob and my sister. I then try to leave. No reverse! I put into neutral and try to push it out of the parking spot, so I can drive forward (assuming I still had that). I'm not strong enough to move it. The parking spot is on a downwards slope. SHIT! I call up the towing company that popped the door last month. $45.00 to get it home. I got home around 10:30.

Today I cleaned it out. I filled the trash can 3/4th full with all the trash from the car. . . when will I learn? The car looks like an ordinary person's car that needs to be cleaned now.

Tomorrow I calling AAA and checking them out. Otherwise I will pay $55.00 to get the car to the dealership in the next town. I have no idea how long this will take. But I think, I KNOW, I will be walking to work at least Tuesday and Wednesday.

the owner knowns about the bike!

I had to take him home, from the car place, and we had a conversation. He mentioned in the context of the conversation, how we must always be vigilant watching objects appearing as we drive, such as . . .you guessed it, bikes! How does he know? Who told him? Oh, he so enjoys being cryptic. At least he was nice. Didn't rag on me. It sucks, have a boss who has like 2000 personal close friends!

******

Bought two new pairs of shoes. Only had one pair and the flip flops. That one pair of shoes was so worn out. I was down to the plastic insides. My little toes were getting blisters. It was time. I bought a sightly cheaper version of the pair I wore out, and a pair of dark purple sneakers with lime green accents. They also have white and sliver parts. No, they are not gaudy, they are colorful, but restrained.I was so tired of wearing black shoes (work shoes) EVERYWHERE.I want to look like other people, not a homeless person. I may be poor but I'm not that poor.

But before I went into that store, I discovered that there's an antiquite store there! I bought a decorated wood eggcup, which is like the original wood egg cups my mother had, but somewhat smaller and shaped a bit differently. I also found a green fridge dish with a clear lid (1930's) for my sister. It's going to be part of her Christmas present. I'm going to fill it with vanilla infused stevia. I must buy the stevia and vanilla pods VERY soon. Also must get on with getting picture of mom make from negative and finding the right frame for it.

Also must get on with finding dress for ball, and shoes and bag, and what to do with farmers tan line, and my hair. . .! Yes, I am going to the debutant ball! Jackie is buying my ticket, ($100.00) wait didn't I say Margaret is going to be a debutant? Yes, she is!!!! So, here I am going to my one and only ball, with no date, and a rented or new to me dress and lady lee press on nails. I'm going to go in anthropology mode as I won't be able to sit with my sister until after the diner.It's sooo sad, but I'm pretty sure, that at 51 this WILL be my one and only ball.

*****

I still miss Mr. Traffic. I would like to send him a letter explaining why I'm not coming around anymore, but, let's face it, it would only hurt and make him angry. I mean, "Sorry I'm not coming around any more because you won't stop talking a about sex constantly, covertly feeling me up and oh ya, I think you may be a pedophile." That would go over real well, wouldn't it?

I let Goosie out

In fact I have let her out twice this morning. I'm afraid that my sister is right, that the cat from the next street chased her into the garage. I noticed that it was walking the wall, and went out and looked. No Goosie. I called for her. No Goosie. I walked back to the kitchen door, stopping to pull the drain on the big swamp cooler. Yes, I have just let that water sit there for around two months making mosquitoes. I stand by the kitchen door, waiting to see if the refill thingie will kick in. Goosie comes out from under some wood planks! As more and more water comes her way, she finally decides to come in with me. I think she was hiding from the other cat. This will be a problem.

Goosie is so thin. She acts like she feels fine, and she eats her food, I mean she actually EATS the food instead of just licking the gravy off. She also, every now and again, nibbles on the crunchies. I need to feed her up and get some fat on her. I had to let her out however. She get my attention, and just lies or sits on the bed, just staring at the window. She comes up to me and meows, asking me to let her out, and when I don't, she salvages the bed. I need a new sheet now. This morning, she was doing the bounch from the window to my side on the bed, over and over and over. Crack goes the blinds, followed by the bed jumping from her impact. She wouldn't let me sleep. I told her I would let her out when it was more light. I wanted people to be able to see her. She seem to understand this, yes, and quites down for a while. But, after an half hour, back to the jumping.

I don't want to let her out. It's my hope, that with the colder weather, she will stop wanting to go out. But I will have to let her out come spring. Maybe things will have changed by then.

I discovered that the van has REALLY GOOD BRAKES!

I had a very busy day Friday, I had four funerals, plus innumerable other timed deliveries. But it went well. I was getting everything out on time. I got down to three deliveries. The first was a re-delivery, the recipients weren't home the first time, and then they called, and said that they would pick it up, but then it turned back into a delivery. So it was in the next town on the far side, and I was almost there! I was on the main street, next to the service street, driving to the entrance for the service street. There was another van in the lane to the left of me about a car lenght and a bit ahead of me. Suddenly, it slowed down and came to a stop. I got as far as wondering why he was stopping, when a little boy on his bike went pass the van. I slammed on the brakes. I stopped about six feet from the kid, who was astride the bike but walking it, holding out his hand in a stop motion, while smiling his little wretched head off!. Yes I stopped, but my deliveries didn't. The foams turned upside down, the vases went sideways, lost their water and then they shot into the back of the seats! All of the deliveries had broken flowers.

If I could have legally stopped, I would have and spank the little boy. But, no stopping, and I drove to the entrance of the service street and pulled over. I open the side door. Water gushes out. The first thing I see, is the delivery for that street, was UNDER the seat. I pick it up. The glad spears were broken. I then pick up the vases and examine the flowers. So many broken flowers! I have a little cry on the side of the van. A man biking by looks at me. I suck it up and call the store and tell them I have to bring the deliveries back. For some reason, Amber thinks I have hit a sign. Did I say sign, no I did not! Where did she get that from?

At first I think it's only two, that the third for the hospital just needs it's water back. But I drive to the hospital, and start to take that delivery in, I realize that it has broken flowers too! I take them all back to the shop. They keep asking me what happen (Amber?), and I keep telling them I had to stop for a jaywalking boy on a bike that I didn't see because of the other van. They don't really seem to get this. Some how they work their magic, even although they can't replace the flowers (all those colors were used up in them), and some how make them look presentable. I retake them, get compliments on them, (I'm sweating at that), and so far no one has called to complain about the flowers.

Stupid boy.

I have decided to forgive M.

Because I love her. The reason she gave for not getting Goosie was rather feeble, and she apologized, so I must be content with that. Apparently the realization that the boy interest is never going to be her boyfriend and in fact, is apparently moving on, is slowly sinking into her subconscious. And it's making her very depressed, but she hasn't really clued into that yet.All she knows is that she doesn't want to see, talk or text anybody. And, oh ya, it's closed the door of her creativity so she's writing shitty reports for her master's.
This bout of depression will be very bad, and as usual she will resit doing the drugs that will make her feel beter. Although this time I will point out that she is trying to change things by getting her master's. Maybe that will make her listen to reason

Went To The Cable Company

I got a assumption of service agreement for M (ex-Best Friend) to fill out. After that it will just be a matter of getting her boxes over to her apartment. She has tried to contact me. She did leave a voice mail the day Goosie was found, but apparently she was holding a hairdryer to the phone as she talked. She tried calling yesterday and I didn't pick up and she didn't leave voice mail. Well, today she has called three times, (I left my phone at home as I did errands) and she did leave a voice mail. Still somewhat distorted, she wants to know if I'm okay. Like, why would she care?

I won't be the first friend she has lost. She had a friend from the previous library up and bail on her with no word. Could it be the endless negativity? I have taken a lot of abuse from her. Like recently she commented that she hated the dark hairs on her forearms. I told her, that I too, hate the hair on my arms. She promptly snarled that my hairs were light. In other words, what did I have to complain about? What she doesn't know, is that I pluck all my dark hairs out, and have for years! But of course, her angst is the only thing that is revalent .She is so convinced that everything is so horrible, it doesn't matter what she has, the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. I believe that even if she won the lottery, she would find something bad about that as well.I don't think she will ever be happy. Nothing will ever be good enough for her and the life she was suppose to have.

It just isn't that she wouldn't get Goosie, it's the negativity, the feeling that I am peripheral in her life, and that I'm not "cool". That she only talks to me to be able to "prove" how much more with it and smarter then me she is. In other words, to put me down. And she does do that all the time now. So, it's time for me to move on.

Which is really sad, considering how long we were friends, and how much we have in common.

Took Goosie Out to The Backyard

We have gone back to the rope and harness, and BELIEVE ME, she has informed me, that THIS WILL NOT DO! Low guttural wails, flopping, it's like having a three year old. She did try to investigate the shed, I had moved things round looking for her, there was not enough rope. Then she eyed the wall and tree. Also not enough rope. Then she went over to the other tree in the backyard proper, and discovered the cat from the next street lying under it. That cat mournfully meowed a couple of times, and then Goosie screamed like she had been stuck with a cattle prod. She ran back to the door making that scream. I rushed over to her (not enough rope to make it to the door). I unhooked her and picked her up. She had wet herself! I guess they invented the phrase "scaredy cat" just for her.

She's back in the bedroom.

Aparently PetFinderAlert.com is a scam!

I finally found some info on the net, and it was all bad. There are no positive testimonials because they never call anybody.This is why their web site is scanty.They don't even list what their service is. They have a "F" rating with the BBB. I have had my debit card frozen and I will go to the bank tomorrow and see what they want to do. It's one thing to lose $39.99, it's another to have given them my personal information.

Well, lets talk about Goosie and the House!

The father and son team are jack hammering up the lawn right now. They say they will be done by 3:30ish. I'm washing my hair and me then and washing my clothes. I didn't make it to washing ME before they got here this morning. Any way, the father has had his tour of the problem spots in this house, My sink, tub/shower don't get water, in the master bath, the shower doesn't work any more and the drain is blocked. In the kitchen the sink drain is rusted out. Which is why I wash out of a bucket mostly, unless I want to fill the bathtub up with 14 pails of water (getting the temperature right is tricky).

As it stands, the price for the re-pipe is 3200, but doing the drains would be a different job. More money. Don't see Don going for it. Oh well, at least I will have hot water again.

I have cleaned and cleaned, but the house. . .the stacks, the stacks! But the more I clear, the more barren I make it, the better the chance I have of keeping it that way.

*****

Goosie

Goosie IS wildly happy to see me. Of course, it took two cans of can food to get her there. She was meowing and meowing. She wanted me to stop petting her, she slashed me when I did. Now, it total love time. She kept waking me up every couple of hours and I would open my eyes and she would be four inches away from my face and she would meow, "PET ME!" Strangely enough, she STILL wants to GO OUT. Yaa, Goosie, maybe next spring.

So the asshole across the street, the guy who called the city on me is the one who had Goosie. In his garage, the one that's open every day when he puts his truck in there. If she was so afraid to come out when he was around, that she was willing to starve to death, then why was she willing to go in there, in the first place?

He said that he had noticed cat prints on his truck window and had seen my poster on the tree., and wondered about his garage. He found her behind a stack of tires. I was at work. I called up the next door neighbor, and asked her to send her son over. Then I called up ex-best friend. She would not do it because she would be uncomfortable dealing with a stranger. Then I asked the supervisor if I could run home and get her. She said yes. I went home and got out of the car and started walking, running over. The next door neighbor caught me about the waist and told me I shouldn't look. I said "But he said she was meowing her head off. Did Gary see her?" She said no. I said "I've got to know." And rushed into the garage. No Goosie. I ran his doorbell. I asked him where she was. He went into the garage and found her in the other corner. She was in a tight little ball, to the point she was trying to stick her head up her ass. Also, it was like the tire was pinning her in. I don't think she could have gotten out by her self , the way she was in there.

I pried her out, she was screaming in fear. I rushed her across the street, she seem to realize where she was and who I was. She jumped out of my arms at the door and tried to open it herself. I put her in the bedroom and she ran under the bed. I opened up a can of cat food. She came out and started chowing down.

Before the day was done, she had eaten two cans, and had calmed down. She has peed now, only love kept me in the room after that, pew you. So it looks like her kidneys are working. She feels much better. Man, she was filthy.

I don't know if I should be profoundly graceful to the asshole or reading up on psychopaths.

Wow, I think the Wallyworld spray cleaner is like 90% bleach!

Cough, cough, wheeze, sneeze, sneeze, pee my pants. But ex-best friend's room is as clean as I can make with out a dumpster. Ya, ex-BF. I don't know if I want to write about it now. It's just that I'm noticed that the only use she has for me now, is to dump her negative feelings on me. I get one good time for like every 15 negativity dumping sessions. What she did today takes the cake, however. She does not give a crap about me. She proved that today.

Well any way have finished bathroom. Of course the inside of the cabinets . . .that's another day's job. Now I get to figure out where to put all the stuff I pulled out of the two rooms and pick up the trash I have generated, and sweep and mop the hallway, dining room and the kitchen. Then I'll take a whack at the crap in the living room. I figure I'll go to bed after 1:00 a.m.

goosie has been found! She is on my bed right now!

Got up at Six

And was out the door by 6:30. Walked five streets. Saw many foreclosed houses. And it's funny how one street will have lots of cats on it and the next will be barren of cats. I saw one cat who looked very much like Goosie but wasn't her, because it wouldn't let me get close and as far as I could tell, it didn't have enough white on it. I put up two more posters. Ran out of tape on first dispenser. Tomorrow back to the store for more posters and supplies. It occurs to me that I should be taking a can of cat food with me as bait.Tomorrow I will do the section to the north of me.

But I have to continue on with the house. The guy comes tomorrow. I have t finish up my bathroom and get started on Best Friend's old bedroom/bathroom.Going to be a marthron session. I don't want to be completely embrassesed when Anthony comes over.

My legs are so sore.

HAD BEST FRIEND GO OVER TO HOUSE

I had her stand at the back gate and called out Goosie's name and listen. She said she heard nothing. Of course the thing that bothers me is that the noise has been getting less and less. It is in my head.ButI I have LOOKED. Unless Goosie walked into a pocket universe, then it is in my mind. It is not a real noise. It is only want.

Got off work early and walked part of the section I had walked before and then into a new section. Nine streets altogether.My legs are so sore and I have a blister on my heel. And tomorrow I'm getting up at five and walking another section. I am down to three posters, damn it, That means I have put up 27 of them. Doesn't seem like it.

As I was walking and calling out Goosie's name I heard a meow. For a second I thought I had found her. It was another orange and white kitty. I had hope for a few milliseconds. Then I realized the way it was rubbing it's self around and meowing that it wasn't her. I petted the cat who turned out to be a boy with balls! Said goodbye to him and continued on. Many people watched me from their windows as i walked by. I have no idea how many of them have been contacted by WWW.PetFindersAlert.com.

Petfinders.com

Okay, around 9:30 at work I received a phone call on my cell phone. It was a man from Petfinders.com. He said that he had seen my ad and wanted to offer his services. That service being that they call everyone around my house and tell them about Goosie being lost . the range depends on the price. the smallest was five blocks (translation: five streets) . I went for that, $40.00. It occurred to me that this would make a dandy identity theft method, just before I gave him my info and card number. I asked him to prove it was real. He directed me to the www.petfinderalert.com site. I gave him the card number.
But, still, it could be someone saying that they were from petfinders. So I called their 800 number and left a rather garbled message.

******

I am cycling between hope and the despair of believing Goosie is dead. I want her to be alive, and I want her to be dead if she is stuck in a garage. Every day I go to work and my coworkers convince me she's still alive. I imagine our reunion, in different ways, that she's mad at me, but I keep kissing on her until she relents, and more often is the fantasy that she is wildly happy to see me and purrs in my arms. I spend my day at work thinking about this, interspersed with the thoughts that she is dead. I go back and forth between these tow extreme.

And then I go home and there is no Goosie and I go outside and listen and wonder again if I AM hearing her, but where is it coming from? The nest door neighbor's cooler? Because it never gets any louder where ever I go. I didn't hear it any better in her backyard. It's not in my yard, I have looked. There is no underneath to my house. I have looked at the roof and I have checked inside the attic space. It's not real. I still hear it but not as much. I don't know what to make of that. Maybe my growing belief that she is dead, and my subconscious is letting go? That it's a psychic connection and she's passing away now?I've really rather believe that it's my imagination.

I have done what I can to find Goosie

I have walked my neighborhood, saturated it with fliers, and placed an ad in the local newspaper with a picture. I also went back to the pound. She's not there and she's not listed in the dead pet list. I have a horrible headache. I woke up at five with it and took some aspirin and then spent around an half hour wondering if I was going to vomit. Woke up at eight. Had a cup of tea, washed my face and went over to ask the next door neighbor if I could inspect her backyard. She promptly said yes and took me back there. I take back what I wrote last night. No sign of Goosie and I can put that meow I keeping hearing to my desire to have her back. It never varies by location, never gets any louder. Unless I'm psychic ( and I could be) , what I'm hearing is nothing but a fevered imagination.

The house re piping will start on Sunday/Monday. I have decided to bag everything and hide it and mop the floors and clean what I can. It sucks being a messie.

it also occurs to me that I have given my telephone number to the assholes on the street. Drat!

I'm really afraid

I'm afraid that Goosie is dead. I'm afraid that she is dying, locked in somebodies garage, dieing of thirst. Where can she be? I don't think she would run away from home. I know she has been crabby ever since she had that dental problem. Sometimes she would breath really hard. Maybe it fucked up her heart.. I wish she would come home.

I had a rather busy day, capped with a puncture on my last delivery. It was about a mile from my sister's. I called her and ran over there and then we had the fun of figuring out how to work the compressor. She called Don like 5 times I swear. Wrong attachment, etc. Got it up over 30 pounds and took off. Hit the first tire store I came across, Big O. They charged $17.50! The other place charges like $10.50. Think I might get in trouble.

So, got out so late, it was no point going to the pound. I'm taking tomorrow off to look for her. I picked up the prints at walgreens and tomorrow I will place a lost add and make posters. I will walk the neighborhood early in the morning looking for her and calling for her.

I am filled with the hope that she is alive but also filled with dread that she is dead, because, WHERE is she?

also, Little Miss Jilly is so happy. Lying on the bed, purring her head off. It's like she knows something. Like her rival is dead.

I also asked my next door neighbor if she had seen her. She invited me in, She has a wall of fair ribbons, and the work that she made to get them abounds through out the house. She ask me to sit and we talked about Goosie. She suggested that Goosie was locked up in someones garage. I keep hearing something on the edge of my hearing or it could be in my head (I've heard this in my room as well) by our wall. You don't think she's a sadist, do you? Yep, going nuts.

Still No Goosie

I went to the pound after work. I looked at all the cats in cages, then i went and got a number so I could ask two question. One; is that all the cats, two;they have a list of the dead cats they pick up every day, by color and location, where was it?So, they told me only one dead cat had been picked up today, a black and white one. I felt a little better.Then they told me they have a feral cat room and told me to go back to the cat room and a worker would let me in the feral cat room.i waited like 20 to 30 minutes in that room. All the cats desperately meowing and begging me to save them. By the time the guy got there I was practically hysterical. I carefully looked at the cats. I knew I was very stressed and I didn't want to make a mistake. There were two cats that looked very much like her. Then I could escape from that place. But i will have to go back tomorrow and repeat the process.

Then I went home and after a while I got into my car and drove around the surrounding streets looking for her. Then I asked the people next door if their dog had got her. They said no.

I have sent her pictures to Walgreen's and I will make posters. I also have to put in a lost add.

****

The other plumbing place came by while I was still at work. They left the estimate in the mail box. $2000.00! They same stuff as Anthony. Penny told me they had a rep. We will be going with Anthony. Jackie then tells me that Don is afraid that the pipes in the house won't be able to take the pressure of the new water flow, so yes, he is talking about doing the inside of the house as well.At any other times I would be ashamed and jumping for joy. To be able to take a shower instead of washing out of a bucket in the laundry room like I have for the last three years. . .But I really don't care right now. I just want Goosie back.

Partial Solution

I bought a 32 gallon trash can from Wallyworld for $15.00, that has wheels. I talked to Bob and Penny's husband, who is a plumber. They both agreed that if the water line wasn't completely severed, then I would be able to fill up the trash can. Which I have. This gives me water to wash dishes and mop the floor, and flush the toilet. I can even use it to wash with. The one thing I won't do is drink it. I will go buy a gallon of water for that. So I won't have to stay at my sister's house and I will talk to best friend about using her shower. It's a lot closer then the sister's house and it would be a lot more convenient for everyone concerned.

The next time I fill it, (and I only filled it a little over half way, my sister was right, water is really heavy) I will do so in the backyard. I was unable to lift it over the door jam to get in in the house. So, the neighbors can see me dipping water out, and city rules say no trash can in front. I have no idea when the water line will be fixed. Or how much it will cost.

********

My brother-in-law's friend sent a guy over, Antony. He came over with his son, and the son dug up the leak. Yes, it's about where the water was coming out in the driveway. Yes, it is galvanized pipe and it all has to be replaced. Yes, the stupid tree my brother planted over the sewer line is also over the water line. So, they will have to jog around it. That will add to the cost. I noticed that no mention of a permit was made. Oh well, the stuff I looked at on the net said most cities, not all would want one.

He went and looked at how much it would cost for the supplies, then he called me up with a quote. It's only $600.00! But, it means I'm getting PVC pipe. How long does that last?

*****

I let Goosie and Jilly out when I came home today. Jilly has come back and is in the bedroom. Goosie has not. She has never stay away this late. Usually she is hanging out on top,of the swamp cooler. I have looked for her in the backyard three times now, no luck. I have walked around to the next street and looked for her. Nothing. I'm really afraid she's dead. She better come back. I love her.

Bad News, Very Bad News

I came home from best friend and found water pouring down the driveway. I thought, well I didn't water today, so I didn't leave the sprinklers on, and I didn't leave the faucet running, and I didn't do any Landry. . .what can it be? And as soon as I thought that, I knew the answer. The water line into the house is broken. That's why the water bill says I'm using as many units as I was last year, even thought I have gone from watering the lawn everyday to twice a week, why it is the same as last year, even thought I am using three gallons a day in a portable cooler instead of the big swamp cooler 24/7. Because it has been leaking all this time. I wonder when the leak happened?

I called my sister up and told her and the first thing out of her AND her husband was that they would fix it. This just after they paid Margaret's tuition of $10,000. The second thing out of my Brother-in-Law's mouth was that I can stay at their house until it is fixed.

I so blessed in having them.

I feel so ashamed that I can't afford to fix it myself.

Ah, My Back Is Messed Up Again!

And I didn't do anything! I just slept on my Brother-in-law's futon in the office while house sitting. Unfortunately the futon is very hard because the B-I-L owns a Laundromat and he puts the bags filled with quarters on the futon. So it has been crushed and flatten by the weight of the quarters. There is no fluffiness left in it. Strangely enough I can sleep on it with no difficulty, accept for last night and that had nothing to do with the futon. One of the dogs had pissed in there, and I was coming in at eleven p.m. and there was nothing I could do about it. The smell kept me awake.

I have to find away to heal my back. Why is it doing this? Well, for starters, I weight 210 Pd's.It seems obvious to me that I need to get some weight off. Then excise.Hopefully that will do it. I will do some research on this. Goodbye Mother's Cookies, crackers, french fries. Hello limited amounts of bread and bagels.Time to explore lettuce wraps.

*******

Saw the ex fiance/goldigger at the hospital the day before yesterday. I was leaving the hospital and he was walking ahead of me. Yes, he reconizged me. He kept turning around and looking at me over his shoulder as he walked. As for me, it was, humm, that guy looks like Sam. He keeps turning around and looking at me. Then I realized it was Sam. I just kept walking (a little more slowly, didn't want to get close to him) and pretended that I didn't know who he was. He didn't stop, thank God! Because I'm pretty sure what I would have said would be something like "Don't talk to me, Asshole." So you see, it's good he didn't try to talk to me.Security people and all that. Don't want to go to jail.

******

I came home to an ant attack in the radio room. They hadn't (the cats), eaten all of the mixed grill cat food on one plate. That's where the ants were. I fed the cats in the dining room and dragged a litter box out into the living room. Then I sprayed the ants. Could not find a trail to one of the walls. It disappeared into the carpet. I guess that they are coming through a hole? Saturated the carpet along their path. I went outside and sprayed the outside edge of the radio room. I sure hope this cures the problem. I can't let the cats back in the radio room until the carpet dries.

Last Day Of Vacation

And I haven't done anything. . .accept have FUN. Oh well, I think I'm just expecting to much of myself. I am human after all. It's nice to have more then one whole day off a week.I have gone to Carpentria twice, and seen The Time Traveler's Wife. Carpentria is great. So beautiful. We walked around and looked at houses, and took a tour of the salt marsh, at least part of it. I learned so many new things about plants! There were two plants that specialized in living with salt. The first, oak something separated the salt out, and deposited it on the leafs. The other , the pickle bush shoved the salt upwards into fat twig things and when there was enough, the red tip filled with salt just snaps off. Also there was a plant, I can not remember these names, that a wasp used for reproduction. It would lay a single egg on the underside of the leaf, and the leaf would form a ruby red "gall" around it , like a clam forming a pearl around a bit of grit, that if I hadn't been informed would have thought was some kind of weird berry.

There was one house,a two story job, that was just like an English thatched cottage, accept of course, no thatching. It was wider at the base then at the top, and had the deep set windows. If I ever won the lottery, I would build something like that. Carpentria must be a very safe place to live. There is no sign of tagging that I could see. A lot of house had stuff out that was very stealable, but apparently it's all a good neighborhood. One house, right on the beach, had stained glass lawn lights. BF's right, if we won the lottery, we would live in this area.

The flea market was fun, although it seemed to have mostly commercial dealers. But not all, I bought a cobalt vase for a dollar from a guy who was selling his own stuff. He said the vase had come from Ecuador.I talked BF into buying a antique portable typewriter. It came in a case. The typewriter was around a foot wide, and it was 1940's or before.She has always had an interest in this, and I though she should start getting on with that collection.

I spent more money on food than on buying stuff. Less then 12 dollars on stuff. I spent at least 30 dollars on food there. Strange, would have thought the reverse. But, the food was very good, and I discovered bagels with cream cheese with cucumbers and tomatoes and lemon salt on them! I have duplicated this at home and have eaten nothing else since then.

Went to Carpentria

This is at the conservatory. The rocks in the background are where seals are suppose to hang out, but there weren't any there. I did see two little lizards and a wood pecker! I had a great time and I will expand on this tomorrow because I have to go to bed now because i have to be at BF's apartment at 6:30 AM, because we are going back!!! There's a flea market!

******

OK, I'm back. Yesterday was wonderful,(and so was today)! We went to the Carpenteria Buffs. It's right on the beach, between a baseball diamond and some wharf for the oil industry. On the way in, I saw the lizards. The trail ran next to the railroad tracks for a while, lined with widow-maker trees (I can't spell it, they make cough drops out of it and Koala bears live on their leaves). The trail, strangely enough was littered with acorn shells. The tops had been eaten out in a pattern that made them look like buttons, ready to be sewn on a coat. Where was the oaks that all the shells came from?
The trail went down aways, then we crossed over the railroad tracks to the coastal trail. Oh it was fad! I could get right up to the edge and see the rocks below. We walked down aways to where I took the picture. Right beyond it was the wharf, which had a forklift noisily running back and forth, yet there was a sign telling us not to make loud noises for the seals' sake. We looked for a while but we had a time limitation, and we had to leave.

And then we went to Linden street. We went into an antique store, and I spotted some cobalt glass. They were labeled cordial glasses, but they were quite clearly eggcups, and I collect them and cobalt glass so I bought them. They were on sale, 25% off. I got four for $9.79. I'm quite pleased about that.

Then we went and had lunch at a place that had the best food. They baked their own bread and made their pies from scratch. I had a sub, really great and banana cream pie. But, when we left, we saw a poster about a flea market the next day. We made plans to come back. We then did one of BF and I's favorite activities. We walked around and looked at houses. We found a duplex that was selling for $750,000. The rent was guaranteed to be $3,100.00 a month. BF would like to live around there if she won the lottery. I think I would join her. Then we had to leave in order to miss the rush hour traffic.

Finally Starting to clean

I have started on the west end of the living room. This is where BS' boxes are, as well as a big wheeled container full of appliances I don't use, and shall have to take a look at, in order for me to donate to the Salvation Army. Also a captains chair (look, something else to sit on beside the computer chair!). I think at this point I can put them all on the futon frame to make more room and enable me to sweep and mop there. Tomorrow I will load all of BS' stuff into the car and take it over to her apartment. I will force her to sort it all out by the dumpster and then I will help her cart the remaining stuff up her stairs.

The next big sticking point is this computer desk. There is stuff piled all around the monitor. It will take hours to sort through the paper crap and get it cleared.. After that, the third sticking point is the TV stand. It is the lesser of the third in terms of mess. Will be easy.

One of the major problems I face is, where to store the stuff I am keeping. This stuff is like reams of note paper, storage disks, and yes, sewing notions. Some of this problem is a mental defect on my part. Even although I live here alone, I still think of this house as my parent's. I'm not allowed to mess with their stuff, I'm not suppose to use their storage places, even although they are long gone. I need to over come this. Really fast. Plus, this house was built IN the 1950's. It doesn't have that much storage space, the way it doesn't have very many plugs in the wall. There is the linen closet at the end of the hall way. Five shelves. The two shelf closet over the closet space meant for a ironing board. The bedroom closets (I don't even use mine! That's where the bad ghost is located) . The kitchen cabinets. The coat closet. That's it. The linen closet has been cleared for some time. I am going to use the bottom shelf's to store this stuff, for a while.

*****
I keep checking out Jilly's face. It's a little bit bigger then yesterday. I'm afraid it must be an abscess. I will go back to putting a hot wash cloth on it. I can't go to the vet. I only have $70 left in the bank. I have looked at the web for instruction. It says to (after it has burst) to wash it out and keep the wound open and keep on do that until the puss stops forming. Man, I sure hope Jilly lets me do this.

******

Ah, Crap! The captain's chair is spit, just like every other wooden chair in this house.

Presenting The Ultra Cool CP35!

It's absolutely fad! I went to Home Depot and got the last cooler that was under $200.00.It wasn't even in the box! But it was $149.00. And the last one, and heck, I could always return it if it didn't work.It's a little smaller then a two drawer filing cabinet and weights around 25 pounds empty. It takes a little less then two buckets of water to fill it. I am STILL WAITING for those two buckets to run out! It's been over eight hours now. I feel very confident in filling it with water and setting the timer for eight hours and walking out the door. Of course I'm going to stick it on an end table at that point because I don't want Mr. Madison spraying it .Evil cat.

I looked at the manual on line and it says that when it runs out of water, the pump shuts down and an alarm sounds.It's also apparently suppose to come with some add on devices to drain the water out, but I didn't get them. Besides, it will be a while before I'm done with it for the year.I'll just let it run dry and then gently lift it and try to drain any water that is left out the fill door.

It's for cooling one room. It's doing that. I have it two foot away from me. I'm cool.Last night I took it into the bedroom with me. I forgot to turn on the pump, but remembered after a while. I got "cool" enough to use a blanket. So, it's really good. The only bad thing I can say about it, is that it is LOUD. I'm had to ram the volume on the TV up.

I also find it ironic that it uses one of the cardboard pads. I looked those up on the web. $13 to replace. I can handle that.

****

When I took it out to the car to bring home, there was a homeless person. I gave her a dollar. She grabbed me and kissed me on the neck. A wet one. Eewe.

On Vacation Again

The florist made me take my second week, since it's obvious that I'm never going to get into the county this year and have my gallbladder out. I still have to work the second job, so I only have three days off all together. The other four, I work 3 to 4 hour shifts at the pizza place.

I suppose to be cleaning the house, notice how I'm not doing that?

****

Little Miss Jilly, got bit by something, probably a dog. Puncture marks on the top of her head and inside her ear. I have been putting hot washcloths inside her ear. I keep getting stuff that looks like reddish-brown cardboard out. Then I put neo-sporin on the wounds. It has a pain reliever in it. She seems to be doing a lot better today, so I let her back out today, since she keeps begging. I going to go to the health food store for pets, (yes we have one!), and ask if they have anything for pain and for her stiffness.

****

The swamp cooler is broken.I noticed that (like how could I not?), that the cooler was putting out very little air and it was very humid in the house and it smelled bad. I went outside and looked at the pads. They were covered in black mold! Now I realized that this meant that I had the wrong sized belt on it and it was too loose to work right,and that's why mold was growing. Also, the mineral deposits on the pads weren't helping. Also, it's awfully late in the summer to get a new belt.

It all became moot after I put beach in the water and tried to turn the cooler back on. SIZZLE, SIZZLE, POP! The switch is broken. It's not the dial kind. It's like a light switch with rocker switches. I can't even find it on line. I'm screwed. Besides, even if I did get the belt and switch replaced, the pads still would be sour and moldy. I can't replace them. They are too expensive.

I have looked at Lowe's to see if they have the mobile swamp coolers left, but no. Will tried at Home Depot today. Otherwise, I and the cats will just have to suffer.

I Used The Chainsaw And Lived!

I sawed down the dead peach tree and the other peach tree which was 90% dead. I also sawed down the cherry tree which only had one living branch. It's truck was be speckled with curly spaghetti gout's of sap. It was clearly diseased. I took it out in the hopes that the other cherry tree wouldn't get whatever the diseased one had. I will plant rose bushes in the fall. Pink ones, coral ones. Not red ones, don't care for them.

Did experience some problems. The chainsaw popped apart and the chain came off ! I called up the brother-in-law for advice. What I wanted was for him to tell how they were put together, so I could get it going again. Instead, and impatiently he made plans to come over and finish the job. Surprised, I agreed. But I still wanted to do it my self. I went on line and found a online article on putting the chain on, and adjusting the chain. I realized I didn't have all the parts. I fished around in the saw dust and found the nut. Put the chain back on. Pulled the blade out and screwed it together. I am missing what every is between the tension screw and the nipple hole/ screw top looking thing. But it worked long enough to get the trees down and chopped up in long lenghts. Now the chain seems stretched and I can't get it to stay on. I tossed the wood over the side wall into the back yard.

I'm planning on ordering a fire pit from Walmark and burning it all in the autumn. The wood will have to chopped into way smaller lenghts to fit in the pit. But, I suspect, that Goosie and Jilly will enjoy the process as we all sit around the pit and enjoy the warmth.

*******

Applied for a job with Westcliff Labs as a courier. I even wrote a cover letter.We will see what will happen. It's full time. I most likely would have to use my own car. But it says salary depends on experience, so it would be more then minimum wage.

I'm Not Happy With Verizon Right Now

I can't remember if I blogged about this, so I will condense. My modem started blinking and I couldn't connected up to the Internet. A Verizon tech came out and told me my modem was going bad. I called the number he gave me and a nice girl in India sent one out free. Too bad it took a signature and I wasn't here to sign for it. So FedEx took it back. I called again and got a different person, who told me there was no record, I was entitled to nothing, and I could paid $79.00 for another one. I hung up on him.

Well the blinking is starting again, and I need a new modem. I went to Walmart, but theirs was too advanced for my system. I went to the Verizon store and they only do wireless for laptops. So, I am back to calling Verizon again.

I will call them later tonight. The Internet is working right now, and I need to start on making the enchiladas

******

My gums are swollen, and PEELING. My sister says aspirin, brushing, salt water rinses and flossing. Then wait and if it doesn't go away, then I get to go in to the dentist.

Busy, busy Day

I had 15 deliveries, including wedding flowers to the town beyond the next town, just outside of this valley. 30 minutes by freeway one way. It didn't help that my brain was taking a dump. ADD is waxing, and I have no meds left. I had one delivery that had a non-existent address. It was 6028. The street started at 6030. The sender then gave us some "possible" other addresses on the same street. They were all lower then 6030. Hummm, not going to work, guys. The recipient's phone number is disconnected too!

*******

Goosie has been sick again. First, she sneezed on my face, two wet ones (and I'm sick now with pretty much the same symptoms), and the next day was running a fever. She got very lovie-dovie at that point, purring and kneading me. She also had problems swallowing. I could see her throat working every couple of seconds. Now that's all gone, but her meow sounds plastic. But she has been eating her head off and has been full of energy. So, I'm waiting for Monday to see how she is.

********

The sewer line is clogging up. The cleanout is filling up when I use a large amount of water. I'll try the blue stuff again, but frankly, I feel that at this point I'll be wasting my ten bucks. If it doesn't work, I will arrange for the rooter guy Monday. I'm running out of money here.

********

Got another letter from the collection agency. It's a one time offer, good for twenty days, to only pay half and be done with it. I don't have it! My brakes are going . I need to replace them.

********

I miss Mr. Traffic

I think about him a lot. I feel extremely guilty about my choice not to see him again. I never even said anything to him. Either he knows why, which would explain why he isn't calling me anymore, or he's completely clueless. I differ on which one it is, from day to day. He's not a stupid man. Yes, he is a little senile. But, does that equal not being able to control yourself? Considering everything he does certain resembles the list of what child molesters do to their victims to break down the natural social barriers against being touched sexually. . .

I keep seeing the expression on his face as he touched my breast.

I'm not going back there.

******

Sunday I was eating some banana cookies and shattered the outer half of my temporary crown. Yesterday I went to the dentist, and lucky me, the permanent one had come in. It is now on and my gum feels better. The new crown is a high nobel, i.g. gold based. My gum tisue really doesn't like the steel based ones. The gum turns the same color as the steel and drawns away from it. I wish I could get the others redone as well.

*******

My sister is very depressed about the death of one of her cats, King Bob. Bob got ate by something. Jackie just found tuffs of his fur. In many ways Bob was her baby. She heard a noise one night and found him still in side his baggie, abandoned by his mother. She got him out and started him breathing. She faithfully came home every lunch time and fed him and washed his butt with a warn wash cloth so he would poop. Bob was the largest cat I have ever since outside of a Maine coon cat. But, Bob was a short hair, the Maine coon, long haired.
He wasn't so smart and he was a little twitchy, the tail never stopped. He like to sleep on Jackie's car. He never figured out that when the car went on, the cat should get OFF. He took several rides. Jackie learned to realize that when people drove beside her honking and pointing, that meant Bob was on the roof. Mostly, thought, he would roll off and Jackie would heard the thump as he hit the ground.

King Bob was so imperial. You stopped petting him when he wanted you to. I got slapped by him once when I tried before he was ready. And feeding time, sheehs, FEED ME NOW!!!

When I drove up to Jackie's house to sit, I saw the shadow of the vine on the front door and thought it was him, even although I knew he was dead. Man, I'm going to miss him.

Testing the date

Blab, blab, went out with the girls last night. Called up second job to see if I could get off. Annoyed them, I know. Yes, was stupid of me, but must better relationship with co-workers from day job. We ate at the Olive Garden, then went to movies. Saw Funny People. Sucks.

Back At Home

7-31-09

House sitted for sister last three days. Yesterday was particular hard as I was closing driver at pizza job. It's like they know when I have to sit. Took forever to get the walk in floor clean. I was literally scraping pressed on dough off the floor with my fingernails as it wouldn't come off with the scrub brush. Finally got back to sister's house at midnight.

Opened the door to poo smell. Yes, Arthur had the runs, four piles on living room floor, plus the fire place had been pissed on. Did my best to clean it up. Texted Jackie as soon as I got up as I was afraid that the people who are feeding the outside animals hadn't come, and Arthur had pooped because he had never gone out. Jackie ask me what the kibble box level in the kitchen was. I told her it was empty. She told me she had filled it before she left and that meant they were feeding them.

Back is completely screwed up again. Have taken relaxer and asprin. Rather painful to drive. And still! The chair, which is this bout's cause, still sits on the lawn. They never picked it up! I will have to call them Monday.

Took Library book to sister's and it has disappeared! I have looked and looked, felt under the bed, etc, and cannot find it.

*******
Have read "THE SECRET HOLOCAUST DIARIES: THE UNTOLD STORY OF NONNA BANNISTER. This is the first time I have read the story of a child survivor who included details about her former happy childhood life in Russia. It was very hard to learn of the fates of all her family members after she wrote of so many happy memories about them. Oh, the way she found out how the Nazi's were treating the Jews, oh, so horrible.

Today Was Horriable

july 28-09 not the 21th

The day was splendid until around 2:30, when I got a bolt in the front tire. Two very nice Christian boys help me change the tire. I tipped them $20.00. I took the last delivery in the van and then went back to the store and loaded up with the last four of the day. I delivered the first two in my town, and then headed over to the freeway to go to the next town. I went about two miles and started to hear a bumpy-bumpy noise. Yes, I had a second flat. I got off the freeway and stopped at a gas station. I tried refilling it, twice. I discovered that there was a slit on the side of the tire on the inside.

The owner cane out and we delivered the last two. He objected to my route. The problem was that I had stuck to original plan and hadn't thought about changing it. He then threatened to fire me and told me I needed to learn how to take phone orders.

I am very stressed and I don't think tomorrow is going to be any better, maybe even worse, as the owner is going to pick up the flowers tonight. Then the tires need to be fixed and I think the second one is ruined and the first is in the shop garage, because I thought the regular person was going to do it at that point, and she would need the room in the van.

I'm fucked.

Having Problems With The Internet

The Verizon tech had to come out. It seems my modem is going out. This is the first time I've been on the Internet in three days. He said it would come and go. I will be getting a new one by FedEx. This has been an eternity to me. Oh it is so embarrassing. The house is absolutely filthy, cluttered with bags of stuff I've been sorting out from the radio room and while I'm at it, I've admit to being a stacker. The computer desk is awash with paper and clothes. Thank God I have been tying to train myself to put my filthy underwear in the bathroom.
First Maria and now the tech. . . I am working on the house. Today took first load of books to library, and some stuff to the Salvation Army. Arranged for them to come and get the water bed frame.

I also called up the dump and arranged for them to take away the arm chair, which is so stinky from cat pee that the cats won't even lie on it any more. The last of the water bed coverings will also go, as well as Daddy's framed map of the world complete with his contact pins. I have no use for it. I feel very guilty about that, but I NEED to get rid of the filth and clutter in this house.

Yes, I realize that the only thing left in the house for sitting on will be the chair I'm sitting in. I will start a fund for new futons mattresses, and mean while I will start looking for a $50.00 used couch.

I look forward to my barren CLEAN house that only minimally smells of cat pee.

********

Mr. Traffic has called me several times and left voice mail. I can't bring myself to talk to him. I know I should. I miss him, but I'm not putting up with the universe as seen through sex view point of his. I don't want to be felt up. I don't want to hear about how he and his wife enjoyed "Deep Throat". I don't want to hear about his sexual adventures. I'm not his girlfriend. I was suppose to be his friend, not what ever it is in his mind that says it's alright to say these things to me.

I keep thinking about that picture. Where was he and what were they doing that he was able to take nude pictures of his two daughter? Where was his wife? Who was the third girl in the photo? How did her parents feel about him doing that and having the picture published?

I Can't believe I forgot To Blog About This!

About two weeks ago, (I shall have to look up the date of the e-mail), my cousin Nigel and his partner Sonja welcomed their son Harrison to this world. Nigel has sent me several pictures of Harrison and I have had one printed up! Now just need to get a picture frame for it. Anyway, Harrison was full term (chancy in my mother's family) and has no obvious heart defect (ditto), and weighted over 8 pounds.

Nigel says he got home just in time to get Sonja to the hospital, where she delivered less then an hour later! There was no time for any painkiller like they had planned, (in fact, they had been planning a water birth! ) Wow, the options they have in England.

Harrison has a full head of hair and is indescribably cute. He did have a little episode the day after he was born, where he sucked in some snot and stopped breathing. He and Sonja got to spend another day in the hospital because of that, just to make sure he wasn't going to make a habit of it.

Have not heard from them since, but was expecting that!!! I'm sure they are just standing around gawking at Harrison, when they are not actively caring for him. Soon, there will be more news.

Went To See Mr. Traffic Last Night

I'm starting to get pissed off at Mr. Traffic. He keeps touching me, even although he knows I don't want him to. He continuously feels up my arm while "accidentally" touching my breast. Last night he insisted rubbing lotion on my arm, while babbling about how much he enjoys it when the health care workers rub his leg with lotion. He also started talking about doing my feet and washing my hair, which I vehemently said no to. He kept talking to me about sex with his wife, no, not details, I would be long gone if he was doing that. He also keeps talking about how sex is natural, nudity is natural, etc. Just like a molester breaks down barriers with a child.

The last time I was over there, he shown me a picture he had taken of his daughters when they were early teenagers, (if that) that he had published in a naturalist magazine. The picture shown three girls (I think he only has two daughters), naked, rolling around in sand. Two of the girls' breasts and pubic hair were clearly visible. Actually it was a great b+w photo, from a art viewpoint. However, I do believe it's child pornography. I pointed this out to him and he snarled that "the magazine had been exonerated". He went on to say how nothing sexual was happening in the photo.

He has told me, that he used to take his son to porno movies at the drive-in, and smoke pot with him. His interest in art is 95% focused on nude women. He tells me his co-workers have always given him pictures of their naked wives and girlfriends, so he can do a portrait of them.

I really don't like this. I think I will stop going over there. I'm to old to be fooled by this shit. I don't care whether he can get it up or not, he wants to do things to me I don't want done. The better he feels, the more he does this.

Budget is BLOWN!

I finally got around to putting the car in the shop, like I had planned. I had figured that the uncashed paycheck I found in my glove box would go to that, that's how it works in my life. Do I get to use any spare money on clothes, music, etc? No, I get that money because I need it for something important, like doctor bills, or car work, or getting the sewer unplugged.

I knew that there was something wrong with the front axle of the car. It was making popping sounds, and I felt like I was driving a clown car and that feeling was just getting worse over time. I finally put the car in the shop because I was having trouble controlling it past 45 mph.

Both axles needed replacing. I think the guy at the car shop said $475, but I'm afraid I freaked out and what he really said was $575. I will find out today. It had to be done. There's no getting around that one. This takes all the paycheck AND the money I had to rent a truck and pay for the dump. So I guess I will be slowly putting the bags in the trash. I have like 35 bags! It's going to take a long, long time to get rid of all of it. I'm afraid the industrial waste will have to wait until next year,

At least I can get rid of the electronic waste. That's in town, and free, I think.

********

On the bright side, the cats love the radio room. It's filled with cubbyhole, and a desk shelf runs around half of the room. They are using it all to snooze on and to romp! Today I'm moving the litter boxes in there, and tomorrow, I will start feeding them in there as well. I will put the large trash can I have in there to store the used cat food tins. They won't be lying around on the floor like they have been. I WILL become more tidier. Do have to buy ant spray and go around the edges of the radio room. Just to be safe.

Progressing nicely

I am amazed by how much I got done yesterday. I have like 90% of the stuff out of the radio room. I have like 25 bag full now. I think I will have to make two trips to the dump. I have three piles, one donation to the library, currently very small because I forgot that I was suppose to give them all of the book, which means I have to go through the bags. The second pile is trash, and it is very large, comprising most of the bags. There was so much paper in there, unbelievable amounts, between my pissed on drawing pads and Daddy's assorted pissed on pads. Yes they were all pissed on, and strangely enough, some of them still felt moist! The third is electronic trash. A whole bag of ribbon cable, etc, towers, apple II in a filing cabinet. All this stuff is obsolete, Big floppies, little diskettes (would work on my computer), all useless because it's all flash drive now.

I will give my Cal-king water bed frame to the Salvation Army. I thought at first that I could load it into my car and just take it over there, but it's huge! I only have an Accent! I may also give them the containers for the diskettes and floppies.

I didn't realize this before, but I'm going to have to saturate the floor and surfaces with the cat pee stuff. Hopefully with the litter boxes in there, they won't want to pee on anything else.

I'm being slothful right now. Need to get my butt in gear, if I'm to get anything done, before going to see Harry Potter at the midnight showing! I went over to BF's place last nigh and used her shower. She said I had dirt embedded in my neck creases. I didn't tell her but I also had dirt embedded in my knee creases as well. The dirt came right through my clothes! They also reek very much of cat pee!

It was very strange, but halfway though, this sudden calm came over me. It was like being hit by a brick, it came on so sudden! I really felt like I had taken two of my muscle relaxants!

On Vacation!

Yes, only have to work one more shift at the pizza place and I'll be off both jobs until the 19th. So happy, only flaw. . .no alcohol! Promised myself I would get drunk EVERY night of my vacation.

Here's the plan (as far as I'm gotten with it). Take survey of radio room. Figure what to take out first, what needs to be stored for donation or disposal at a latter date, what supplies need to be bought. Do it. Complication. . .my brother has his office in there. Now mind you, he hasn't been in there for at least 14 years, and the lawn mowing business he ran has been defunct for 20 odd years, but I might need to give him some of his stuff instead of just chucking it all.



I feel free to throw all of my father's stuff out out with the aception of any documentation on the house. He died in '97.



Then I will take stuff to dump, library, Salvation Army. I will buy really big cat litter boxes, and oh ya! Get front axle fixed on car.



Then, the back yard. Don't know if I will get this far. Actually this is where the dump comes in. I want to get rid of the industrial debris in the backyard, so I can use the mower next spring. And to be able to walk around there with out risking dismemberment.

OOOH, checked fridge! Have one Smirnoff Imango!

A bit of this And That (part II)

I have decided not to finish the bullying book. I realized that I was wrong, it was effecting me much more then I wanted to admit. So, back to the library it will go.

Had a hell of a day yesterday. It's suppose to be the slow time of the year. It's not slow. No, it's not like the first year I worked for the florist, when I use to take between 20 to 30 everyday. But I am delivering between 15 to 20 most days. It doesn't help when things go wrong like it did yesterday. I had a lot of timed deliveries. These are deliveries that have to be at their destination by a certain time or during a window of time. I love those. . . oh yes I don't! I had a funeral. I thought Kristine (back from vacation, yaa!!!) had said it was in town. The tag I looked at, said the next town. Damn, I thought, as I only had 15 minutes to get it loaded up and over there. I get there, late. The worker there checked and told me it was back in my town. Araggh! I rushed it over there. It turned out the service was at seven. I had stopped in at the florist and got the other delivery for the funeral place on the way over. We thought it was for a worker there. It turned out to be for another service that started at five. Lucky that.

Delivered a plant that had been for a funeral three days ago. It had a nonexistent address, and it was addressed to another person, not the deceased. We had to wait on the sender to get back to us with a good address. It's amazing how many times this kind of stuff happens. Once we tried to deliver to people that hadn't lived at that address for THREE years! You want to send $120.00 worth of flowers to people you aren't close enough to know that they moved three years before?

Called the dealership about the car axle popping. It seems, unless I can provide documented proof that the CV boots were inspected in the last two years (since they saw it), I have to pay for it. Worse case scenario is $400.00. I called up the shop that did the thermostat, $100.00. Although I am willing to bet money it will take the $229.00 of that lost paycheck I found in my glove box, that's going to be reissued this week. Bet cha.

Got my hair cut again at the beauty school. Looks great! Wish I had though of this years ago. Total, $4.50, and I tipped the girl five dollars.

Vacation starts next week. I can hardly wait, even although I am going to working my ass off on the house.

While I was getting Goosie and Jilly in tonight, a black cat came up on the shed roof and meowed at me. It's obviously use to people. It was like a foot away from my head. My cats weren't upset either.

I am now going to retire to my room and read another book, about the Gardener museum art theft. [Quick note on library books, there was around only 20 new books on the new fiction sheff, very scary. Maybe I should blog about that next. ]

I am reading "LETTERS TO A BULLIED GIRL"

I don't find this as distressing as I thought I would. It's about a girl named Olivia Gardner who was bullied at three different schools (including a private High School), who had a web site dedicated to hating her, who had students at one school, wearing bracelets that said that they hated her. Somehow this got out to a newspaper and these two sisters, (Emily and Sarah Buder) started a letter writing campaign to her, in order to give her hope, confidence, and compassion. The letter writing really took off and thousands of people wrote her. The book is a collection of some of them.

I was bullied as a child. I was called dog, rover, freak, had rocks thrown at me, had my lunch money stolen everyday for a semester, and was sexual assaulted. I told my parents, I told my teachers, I even told the principle of one school. This was from the second grade, up to my freshman year in High School. Nothing was done. Nothing! My mother's constant advice was to hit them back. Ya, right. I had around thirty people everyday torment me. In order to not have to beat them all up (like I could), I would have had to make a "example" of someone. How would I have escaped a girl's ranch after that? Besides I was too afraid to. It wasn't so much the pain I would have to go through, it was what I would have done to them. If I had done that, I would have killed the kid, I do believe. And I knew that about myself. I was so filled with anger about what they were doing to me.

I also knew how to make movtow cocktails, and later, different methods of making plastice out of household ingredients. I often thought about fire bombing their houses. I didn't because that would reduce me down to their level. I spent years thinking about this.

In High School, I got myself put into EH (educational handicapped). This saved my life. Thanks, Mr. Lopicolo. I was physical out of that environment by doing that. I was with the other freaks, and baby, I was happy to be there.

I have blocked most of the memories, so I could get past them. But I am scarred. This has effected all of my life. I could say the reason I deliver flowers, pizzas, even although I have a B.A. is because of what they did to me, AND THE FACT THAT NO ADULT AT ALL TRIED TO HELP ME. The older I get, the more I wonder about my parents. What the hell was wrong with them? My father never ever acknowledged that there was something wrong, even although he himself had been bullied. My Mom's little act of defiance, she quit the P.T.A. Ya, now she didn't have to give up that night for reading. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil, Mom.

Ya, I have issues with the adults now. I've worked through what the kids did to me. I can figure out why, what I did wrong, etc. It's what the adult didn't do, that bothers me now.

I Took Mr. Traffic To The Movies

To see Star Trek last night for the ten o'clock showing. It wasn't until we were underway that he told me that he has a nine o'clock appointment with the burn and wound unit. It was rather scary. I thought he was so much better, and it turns out he's still very frail. I was afraid he would not be able to walk across the lobby, then he took a rest on a bench after he did get across. Then I worried whether he would be able to make it to the end of the hallway to the movie . But he manged. He kept falling asleep during the movie and then would wake up and complain that he didn't know what was going on. But, at the end, he said it was a good movie.

I'm going to have to admit now that Mr. Traffic must be a little senile. I don't think it's the drugs making him wonky. I don't know what to do. He needs a little managing, but I don't really have the time. Then there's the fact that he can't remember what's been told to him. How am I to help him, if he can't remember the names of the organizations that are dealing with him? If I say the right name, he remembers what that name is connected to. For instance, I have discovered that the girl who "helps" him, is an employee of In Home Health Care, which was what I was trying to get for him. He said that there was a social worker, who sat down with him, and her, and decided what she could do for him. I want to talk to this social worker and find out what was decided, and why.

He still can't remember my phone number or where he has put it, or how to retrieve it on his phone. He can't phone anyone, because of this.

Mr. Traffic has decided to purge his stuff. I don't know whether it's because he realized that he couldn't get around in the house because of the clutter, or he realized it needed organization after staring at it all this time, trapped on the couch. He says that there is a ton of stuff down the side of the house, waiting to removed by the trash company. So, there will be no more pictures of the plane. He gave it away to someone. But he seems to be happy, besides complaining about his level of constant pain.
I wish I could be of more help to him.

I'm Staying Home Tonight

Have been seeing Mr. Traffic. He's much better. He's taking care of his telephone messages. A person is coming in to help him twice a week for 45 minutes. Yes, that's right , 45 MINUTES! She can do a light load of lawdry, or the dishes, or help him bath or even cook a little for him. But not vacuum or mop or clean the toilets! He does appreciate her taking out the trash. Guess who gets to pick up the slack. I'm going to see if I can contact the visiting nurse association. But, for all I know, that's who the girl works for.
Mr. Traffic can now follow the plot of a movie he hasn't seen before, which he couldn't do when he was really sick. His legs are of normal dimensions now. Only the reddish skin and the peeling dead white skins on then says that;s there is something wrong with them. He says the reddish brown color is apparently scar tissue.
However his eyesight has not returned to it's former level. He can't see to do anything really. Large print magazines with the magnifier, is all he can do. It's a good thing he has a 52 inch screen TV! He can make that out pretty good. I was suppose to take him to Lenscrafters, but I was too late yesterday, and tonight I want for myself. Eventually I have to go to Walmart and buy cat supplies tonight, but not right now.
I have been running back and forth to Lowes to get a new belt for the cooler. Have finally got the right one, and got it on by myself. I bent the pole for the float down so the water isn't running on the ground like last year. I have been unable to get the door on it off to replace the arm. I also found replacement pads, but won't get them. There are four of them on the swamp cooler. They are $70.00 EACH!!! The pads are four years old. I guess I will have to save my money up for next year.
I have set my vacation up for July 13 to 18. I will take it off from both jobs. This will kill me moneywise, but I really need a break. I have been working two jobs for four years now. I only have one day a week off. I need some downtime.

what can be more embarrassing then Donald Trump making gang signs?

Went And Saw Mr. Traffic Today

He's doing better. One leg is completely healed, the other almost. Size wise, they look normal. His feet are still swollen. Mentally he seems to be more alert. Still doesn't realize that his phone won't work because there is no phone jack in the room. Mr. Traffic doesn't seem to realize that he is in a locked ward facility for "mentally challenged" people. I would like to know who decided THAT. Mr. Traffic might be having a little confusion, but I think he belongs in the other care place down the road where they have phones in the room and can go and come as they please. He's still complaining about being given weaker drugs. I'm not sure whether or not he is being given weaker drug, rather that they are being given to him in the right amounts and times. I let him talk to his sister in Florida on my cell phone. She asked me to have Mr. Traffic put him on his contact sheet, so she can have access to him. Today, I have to talk to his cardiologist, and the people at the care place to find out what's going on. It all depends whether Mr. Traffic was placed under his own cognizance or whether he is under state care, or maybe even his son's in Nigeria.
I also bought him a snake lamp with a build in magnifier. The box said that it had a light in place and a spare one in the box. Well, it didn't. It had the spare light, but not one already in. And of course, the cover was held in place with screws. So, back again I will go with a screw driver. Also, two checks, from Mr. Traffic's house.
I also have to get Goosie's and Jilly's rabies shot today and paid it. I'm out of time on that. It's due on the 30Th. And work on the house. My brother is coming over tomorrow and I want no comments from him on it's state. I'm looking at it like this; the more I do now ,the more I will be able to do on my vacation. I'm going to clean out the old radio room and put the litter boxes in there and get rid of more BF's boxes. Hopefully I will be able to get to the point where people don't know I have all these cats when they come through the front door. (which is where the litter boxes are now).

Testing Again!

	So, this is to see if I can get around the SMM message limit AND post pictures again. Saw Mr. Traffic today. His drug dose has been cut or they are just giving it to him when he's suppose to take it. He has no phone acess and is in a locked ward!

too bad to let him go home.

what shall I babble about? Mr. Traffic is in a care place now. The ambulance came and took him to his doctor's appointment, and they decided his legs were

This is another test blog to see if I go over the character limit, whether blogger will string them together or serve them up as separate posts. Let's see,

Yes, it worked!

But, apparently only on SMN. "this is a test post to see if I can mobile blog." The picture message (which has 1000 character limit) doesn't. Rats! I guess this will be like Twitter. At least I can go back and edit them, like I am doing now.

Mr. Traffic and Stuff

Mr. Traffic hasn't had a stroke, and Mr. Traffic is not senile. Mr. Traffic is taking WAY to much vicodent. In fact there is no telling how much he is taking. We are also pretty sure that he's not taking his other meds as well. Just the pain killer and the sleeping pills. The reason I feel that he is not taking the others is; they have to be timed and they have to be taken with food. Right now Mr. Traffic is living on what the neighbor next door cooks for him for lunch, and when I get over there fast food. I never see him take anything besides the pain killer. He also has no idea what day or time it is. So how can he be taking them, let alone properly? He's also lieing about it. I asked him about this and he snarled that he knew how many pills were going into his body everyday. I'm afraid I was a little snotty because I was worried and pissed.
I have talked to his brother and he's the one who told me about the over dosing. I can see it now, I think. I also consider that Mr. Traffic has a MAJOR infection and is 75. Still I would like to see more control over the pills and the food intake. To bad Mr. Traffic refused the service for having someone come in around 5 hours a day to cook and clean for him. Yes, he said no, and it's another thing he has lied to me about.
I have emailed his son twice, 1st, to say come home and preform a conservorship, the 2nd, to say, I don't know. Since apparently they have both failed it doesn't matter.
I will see him Sunday. I have been going over after work the last three days, but he has already gone to bed each time.
It looks like I might be able to mobile blog again, we will see if it works out, I have T-Mobile.