remembering

It's a bit past the third anniversary of Brad dumping me. I re-read my diary entry. What I'm still hurt and pissed off about is same thing as then. He lied to me. He sat there and told me he wanted to remain friends with me. He negotiated our level of physical intimacies with me. And then he started saying things like "I like what you do in bed, but not as a whore." He worked in "but not as a whore," like 9, 12 times in that little monologue, as I stared fixedly at a spot on his wall. I was in shock. I didn't understand how the kind considerate man I had been friends with for 22 years, and, dating for the past five years was doing this to me, and yes, I really didn't understand WHAT he was doing. I had been working an 75 + hour week for over a month at that point. I was completely brain dead.

What he was doing was trying to get me mad at him and dump him. He even ask me to slap him at one point, but I was trying to understand what was going on, as he had told me he was ending the physical part of our relationship as he was going to dedicate his life to Christ and become a born-again christian.

Why he was doing this was because he was already dating my replacement. I sure that Valentine's day had something to do with it as he probably wanted to do something BIG for HER. I feel so sorry for her. She doesn't know what he's going to do to her (or already HAS). You see, I saw him do this to Debbie. I didn't think he would do it to me, because I had set the relationship on casual, all he had to do was tell me he wanted to date someone else and it would be okay, we would remain friends, yes, I did fall in love with him, but I also knew that wouldn't work, even although I was deluding myself about it. But that was me. I hadn't said anything to him about it. Because I knew better. I did try. I was going to tell him I loved him, and he told me not to (angrily), so I didn't. I changed it into something else. But I always knew it was MY problem. The rules hadn't been changed. It was casual. So what I'm pissed about is this. Why didn't he just tell me the truth? Since he wanted to get rid of me, wouldn't that have sufficed? He could have stayed friends with my brother-in-law. Every thing would have been fine. I would have been hurt, but I could have gotten over it. I think it's safe to say at three years, he has forever damaged me.
But he sat there and deliberately did his best to hurt me, so I would vanish off the face of the earth so the lies he told that poor woman wouldn't be found out. That's what I think. I don't have much other explanation for what he did otherwise. Would it be even worse if he did that to me, because I owned him money? God, he is so worthless.
Why didn't he just tell me the truth?