Petfinders.com

Okay, around 9:30 at work I received a phone call on my cell phone. It was a man from Petfinders.com. He said that he had seen my ad and wanted to offer his services. That service being that they call everyone around my house and tell them about Goosie being lost . the range depends on the price. the smallest was five blocks (translation: five streets) . I went for that, $40.00. It occurred to me that this would make a dandy identity theft method, just before I gave him my info and card number. I asked him to prove it was real. He directed me to the www.petfinderalert.com site. I gave him the card number.
But, still, it could be someone saying that they were from petfinders. So I called their 800 number and left a rather garbled message.

******

I am cycling between hope and the despair of believing Goosie is dead. I want her to be alive, and I want her to be dead if she is stuck in a garage. Every day I go to work and my coworkers convince me she's still alive. I imagine our reunion, in different ways, that she's mad at me, but I keep kissing on her until she relents, and more often is the fantasy that she is wildly happy to see me and purrs in my arms. I spend my day at work thinking about this, interspersed with the thoughts that she is dead. I go back and forth between these tow extreme.

And then I go home and there is no Goosie and I go outside and listen and wonder again if I AM hearing her, but where is it coming from? The nest door neighbor's cooler? Because it never gets any louder where ever I go. I didn't hear it any better in her backyard. It's not in my yard, I have looked. There is no underneath to my house. I have looked at the roof and I have checked inside the attic space. It's not real. I still hear it but not as much. I don't know what to make of that. Maybe my growing belief that she is dead, and my subconscious is letting go? That it's a psychic connection and she's passing away now?I've really rather believe that it's my imagination.