Now I'm Getting Depressed

And no, it's not the plumber! Actually it's my best friend. You see, while she has been acting more "normally" towards me since the Goosie incident, it's still apparent that there is a problem in our relationship. She has other friends that she is keeping a secret from me. No, I don't mind her having other friends. I would be a REALLY sick person if I minded that. What I do mind is that she has closed me off into a little corner of her life, and I'm not really part of her life anymore. Let me make this clear. I don't expect to run around with her and these friends. I understand that I am almost 52 now and she's about to turn 34. Her other friends (as one demonstrated a couple of years ago) wouldn't see me as any thing other then as an OLD person, whom they could have nothing in common with. That she can't even mention them in passing as in, "I went and saw 'Name of movie', with Joan Doe and it sucked!", bothers me a great deal.
Secondly, we had a conversation the other night where she informed me that she not going to let her friends change her plans, so she can be their shoulder to cry on. At first I didn't get what she mean. I was remembering a few years back when she was taking one of her student aids somewhere, on a trip that had been planned for THREE MONTHS, and because the student aid ask to have one of her friends along and that friend said she didn't want to go where they were going and suggested a trip to a mall instead, and BF fell over like a dead log and took them to the mall. . .!!! That's what I was remembering when I agreed that was a good plan.
Well it's not. People who only want to be with you for the good times and shun you during the bad are called good weather friends, and they ain't friends at all. I'm very disappointed with her. If she doesn't want to change her plans, and how many times has she had to do that, then she needs to get less stressed out friends. It's her choice to have these friends. Am I one of them?
When I remember all the times I have had the most inane conversations with her. Like one time when she was still going to USC, she called me up and actually cried because she had left the skim milk on the counter and now she couldn't have her condensed soup because of it. She sobbed thruout this conversation and I took it because I knew it wasn't actually the milk, it was her parents divorce. This is what friends do for each other, and that she doesn't want do it any more, really scares me.
She isdeciding to be shallow!

My Hormones are subsiding

So, this means I have reached the embarrassed stage. This is an effect of my ADD. I miss social signals, or don't plain recognize them at the time, but then go back repeatedly and review my memories and pick up clues.
This means, even although I didn't say anything leading or flirty, my interest must have been too transparent as the plumber AND his helper became very amused by me. See what I mean by embarrassing? Hell, I though I was just enjoying his male company, (and oh yes, enjoying the view), and apparently I came off as slut girl! But my co-worker at the florist, who's husband IS a plumber, says women taking an interest in them is not unusual.
I'll just try to be little Miss Cool next time.

****
After my checks clear I will have ten dollars left in my checking account and my savings will be completely GONE. I HAVE to get that job at Bank Of America. By next April I will have to save $1000 to cover the next installment of property tax, income tax and car tax. I don't think I can save that much money in five months.

Damn Hormones!

I'm lusting after my plumber! He so lithe and buff and nice. He's a very nice man, who offered when I told him I wanted a quote so I could save up for the job because I was broke, to do the job and have me pay when I could! This is a VERY nice man. He said to call him when I got off. The day before I had gotten off at 2:30, but of course that day I got off after 5:00. At first he didn't want to come over because it was so late, but eventually he talked himself into it.
Of course he had to come inside the house, (I thought it would be the clean out under the kitchen windows, but the clog turned out to be in the wall exit of the sink). So embarrassing. He said he wasn't there to criticize my house keeping, his house look like my house, (Why did that make my heart sing?), and we went into the laundry room. It took him like only ten minutes to clear the clog.
A new problem arose. It turns out my plunging of the sink has crack the pipe below the sink. It was only a little cracked before, now it won't let water drain, it runs out on the floor instead. I now need a new sink, because the sink is cast cement and the caster cast it onto the pipe! Can't afford this right now. I am living on my tips. All my wages are going to bills. The plumber, seeing the look on my face suggested a alternative. I cut the end off the overly long drain hose for the washer and put epoxy on it and stick it down the pipe and seal up the crack that way. I just need to get the glue. Which I will tomorrow.
We had a little conversation about pizza. I swear he looked to see if I was wearing a wedding ring. Why was I wearing my mother's engagement ring? Why? Why?
Oh well, soon the front will stop up and I can call him to do that!

So the shredder. . .Part Two

Twas only sleeping, see. Needed to cool down after shredding for over two hours. I finished the bag off. God, it was HARD to do that. I really felt like I was throwing my Dad away and kept crying and apologizing to him. It was so hard to get rid of his checks because that's the only sample of his handwriting I have. He didn't do letters or cards. So I saved his signature off a ripped check. I had no idea of how much I miss him until I did that. I guess I was acting like him when my Mom died. I think for about 15 years after she died, he was pretending she was at the store.

*****
The laundry room sink has clogged up. I'm going to pour a bottle of hair clog stuff down the drain tonight and hope that does the trick. If it don't, plumber time.

*****
Realized around 6:30 tonight, that the 1st installment of the house tax was due yesterday. Freaked. Called sister. Brother-in-law answered. Explained to me, too late tonight to do anything about it. Two, it says on the bill, no late payment penalty until Dec 10th. M and I drove back to my car (glove box), to make sure. Yep, I'm safe. Sister called a little while ago. Tomorrow, I'll drop off, both installments and my check for the first one, and she will keep track of it.
*****
Armpits are itchy again! And swelled. Wish I knew what was causing this. . . Oh shit, I ate the shrimp and the egg rolls from Mr. Wok's dinner for two again. Maybe that's it!

I was shredding . . .

But there comes that important time in the shredding machine's life when you stick too many papers in at one time and fry the machine! I reached that point. I was like 3/4Th's through a giant bag of my father's papers. It bit the dust on checks from '72.
I discovered many things. The gas bill was as high then as it is now. I'm sorry Daddy. I was completely clueless then. My parents bounced checks! I've discovered about four now. The bank sends them back in a special pouch with a velum cover!!! The bank switched from punch cards to a computer printed bill in 1980!!! I haven't found out when the water bill switches from being a punch card to a paper bill.

After my mother died in '79, about six months later my father's doctor sent a recommendation for him to see a psychiatrist. As far as I know he didn't see one. I did find the check for his first computer stuff. Yes, after my Mom died he went heavily into computers. He was also a ham radio operator. He did these both for about ten years until his hearing started to go, then it was just computers and the Internet. At the height of his mania, he had 28 computers in the house. He was so lonely.

I wish I could have helped him, but I was just as fucked up as him.