Dear Non-Responding cousin,
I understand your lack of response. . .A; You are probably depressed as your family has gone off to your mom's, B; all I ever write about is knitting now. Alas, this email will be no different.
For I have knitted a happy little family of hats. Three of them to be exact. Don and Jackie gave me Don's mom knitting stuff. There was a great many things in the trash bag. One of which was about five circular knitting needles. I had read enough to know that all you have to do on them is just knit the knit stitch, around and around. Then to make a hat. . .you start decreasing. Sounds simple, no?
The first practice hat: It took me three tries to get this one. The Knitting for Idiots book just said "if you don't straighten the stitches you will be chasing your tail." So, I found out what that meant. I was knitting a mobius with at least three twists in it. I start over. I spent a great deal of time checking to see if the stitches were twisted. This is hard to do on a circular cord that's been in a trash bag for 15 years and has a permanent kink in it. I do two whole inches before I discover that there is one stinking twist in it, %$#@*&!!!! I start over. I check over and over. Finally I am rewarded with a untwisted round of stitches. Oh, I mindlessly knit and knit. A couple of times I get a cup of tea. Twice I come back and FLIP the FUCKING thing over and start knitting in the wrong direction. This also causes holes. . . I realize my mistake and start knitting in the right direction. . .only after three whole rows.
Finally it comes time to start decreasing. I decide that I am decreasing one stitch every ten stitches. I occasionally lose count but keep on working. Run into a problem. The pesky cord won't let me decrease after a point. WTF? I do research. I find out about doubled tipped needles. I don't think i HAVE ANY, (ACTUALLY i DO, THEY ARE IN THE TRASH BAG WITH THE REGULAR NEEDLES). So I cast off. I love it and wear it around the house (Hey, it's very drafty). I start on practice hat #2.
Practice hat #2 comes out very well. I have bought some doubled tipped needles. When I start using them, it takes me awhile to realize I producing the garter stitch. I'm knitting on the wrong side. Yep. I started knitting on them from the inside rather then the outside. I unravel it. I think I got it all but no. It turns out this one is going to have a decorative trim too. Frak! It's also rather pointy, like a Tartar's hat.
Then I start working on practice hat #3. It goes wonderfully. No dropped stitches, no flipping. I keep count of my decreases. It should be perfect, right? Unfortunately it will always be know as the nipple hat. Yet, I spent all that time knitting a very pointy hat. Nice and rounded on the bottom, gets towards the top, cinches in and WALA, it looks just like a nipple. I sit there and think about. Apparently one doesn't keep decreasing at the same rate. The closer one gets to the end, the greater the rate of decreasing.
So, these are my option regarding the nipple hat.
1. Unravel it back to where I started decreasing. I could lose the stitches this way however.
2. Tack the point to the side and make a honking big tassel to stick on the end.
3. Pretend it's a peculiar shaped oven mitt.
4. Sew a giant jingle bell to the point and pretend I am related to Noddy. I could annoy Goosie by calling her Big Ears.
Which option do think I should take, oh incredibly polite cousin. . .?
*****
So I haven't received a reply from him. I started to wonder if this virus I have on my computer (I don't known how to change my password, my computer is now a zombie bot), is keeping my email from being sent. So I left a message on Face book for his partner and it turns out my cousin is up there because my aunt is really sick. I don't know whether she's in the hospital or not. Unfortunately that's all I know. I don't know what's wrong with her, or anything. I'm a bit frustrated with worrying. I love and care for Aunt Rita. I don't like being left out of the loop even although I can't do anything over here.Maybe I'm too pushy.I don't know. I hope she gets well.
*****
Jackie gave me Christmas money and suggested that I buy a kindle. So I have. I have bought some books (Before I even have it!), most of them free or under three dollars. But I did buy Jumper and Reflex by Stephen Gould.. So want to get Neal Stephenson's books, Snowcrash, Alteumn, and then there's Charlie Stross' books too! Aurag! So many books I want, but have to get them in dribbles as I am poor.
After reflecting on my ability to drop my phone, wash my phone, lose my phone, I decided to pop for the two year warranty as well. Have looked at covers, and have decided the best solution for me right now is a padded mailing envelope. Ya! I found that solution on the web! But I will pop for the Van Goeg Irises skin for it. Also I will knit a pouch for it. Must find special yarn for that!!!
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